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McSweeney's

• “Just Do This”: Tips for Teaching Hybrid Learning
  Tips for teaching the hybrid learning model inside: Just complete this COVID form; Just check this list to see who is learning in-person (IL) and who is learning remotely (DL); Just seat ILs alphabetically for contact tracing; Just honor preferentia…
  - 13 hours ago, 20 Oct 20, 6:00pm -
• Excerpts from McSweeney’s Quarterly: Wetumpka
  - - -This piece originally appeared in McSweeney’s 61. To read more from this ultra-deluxe, faux-leather-bound issue, subscribe by October 25. Get 15% off with your order with the promo code issuesixtyone. - - -I met him at the drinking fountain.…
  - 15 hours ago, 20 Oct 20, 4:00pm -
• The Woman From Tom Petty’s “Free Fallin’” Would Like to Clear a Few Things Up
  Listen, I’m proud to have inspired such an iconic song, but I’ve been waiting for thirty years to gets this off my chest: Tom completely misread me. Like, completely. First of all, sure, I guess I love America, but it’s complicated. Many of our…
  - 16 hours ago, 20 Oct 20, 3:00pm -
• For the Voter Who Is Pro-Life
  Though we’ve known for four years that the 2020 US election cycle would be even more fraught than the strange and painful fall of the 2016 elections, most of us still find ourselves a little disoriented these days. For some, the urgency to remove T…
  - 18 hours ago, 20 Oct 20, 1:00pm -
• Ten Legitimate Reasons to Pull Out Your Dick On a Zoom Call
  “Jeffrey Toobin, CNN’s chief legal analyst and a renowned reporter for The New Yorker, has been sidelined at a pivotal moment in the run-up to the presidential election. The reason: He exposed himself during a Zoom call with colleagues in what he…
  - 19 hours ago, 20 Oct 20, 12:00pm -
• Lest We Forget the Horrors: A Catalog of Trump’s Worst Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes: The Complete Listing (So Far): Atrocities 1- 940
  To be read before the 2020 Presidential Election. Register to vote, or check to make sure you’re registered to vote here. - - -Early in President Trump’s term, McSweeney’s editors began to catalog the head-spinning number of misdeeds coming fr…
  - 1 day ago, 19 Oct 20, 8:42pm -
• The Only Thing Standing Between This Country and Pure, Unadulterated Disaster is Your $7 Campaign Donation
  THERE’S. NO. TIME. [FIRST NAME], we are desperate. We emailed you. We texted you. You asked us to stop, and we didn’t. So let us say this now: The only thing standing between this country and pure, unadulterated disaster is your $7. The stakes ar…
  - 2 days ago, 19 Oct 20, 6:00pm -
• The Hallmark Channel’s Countdown to the Election
  When Belle, a young postal worker, accidentally drops her mother’s pearl necklace into a mail sorting machine, she has twelve hours to sort 1,550,000 mail-in ballots by hand – and recover those pearls in time for her father’s (incumbent mayor o…
  - 2 days ago, 19 Oct 20, 3:00pm -
• For the Voter Who Is Raising Children
  Though we’ve known for four years that the 2020 US election cycle would be even more fraught than the strange and painful fall of the 2016 elections, most of us still find ourselves a little disoriented these days. For some, the urgency to remove T…
  - 2 days ago, 19 Oct 20, 1:00pm -
• The Fourth Little Piggie: An Exposé On a Life In the Shadow
  It’s not by accident that we’ve never heard of the Four Little Pigs. It’s not a fluke that the story ends with a red brick house and three little pigs dancing in celebration. Neat and tidy with a bow and no questions asked. The tale ends there…
  - 2 days ago, 19 Oct 20, 12:00pm -

The Onion

• [video] The Onion Reviews 'Avengers: Age Of Ultron'
  The Onion's movie critic Peter K. Rosenthal reviews 'Avengers: Age Of Ultron' in this week's Film Standard.
  - 30 Apr 15, 6:10pm -
• [video] The Onion Looks Back At 'The Sound Of Music'
  The Onion's movie critic Peter K. Rosenthal looks back at 'The Sound of Music' in this week's Film Standard.
  - 12 Mar 15, 2:02pm -
• [video] Should Companies Discontinue Unpaid Intern Fights?
  Many critics are questioning whether interns deserve to be paid when pummeling each other for their supervisors' amusement.
  - 10 Mar 15, 2:16pm -
• [video] 13-Year-Old Drinking Prodigy Accepted To Ohio State
  On Today Now!, the incredible Tyler Morgan shows off the binge drinking talent that got him into Ohio State. More from this episode.
  - 26 Feb 15, 7:20pm -
• [video] The Onion Film Standard's Oscars Special
  Peter Rosenthal looks at the Best Picture nominees in this year's special Oscar edition.
  - 19 Feb 15, 6:51pm -
• [video] Romantic Boyfriend Surprises Girlfriend With Valentine’s Day Love Labyrinth
  Brendan Jensen is taking the internet by storm with the elaborate love-themed maze he trapped his girlfriend inside for Valentine’s Day.
  - 14 Feb 15, 5:00am -
• [video] The Onion Reviews 'Fifty Shades Of Grey'
  The Onion's movie critic Peter K. Rosenthal reviews 'Fifty Shades Of Grey' in this week's Film Standard.
  - 12 Feb 15, 5:20pm -
• [video] New Premium Uber Service Lets Users Commandeer Any Car
  Uber Seize is a new high-end service that lets users hijack vehicles whenever and however they want.
  - 9 Feb 15, 1:36pm -
• [video] Parenting Expert Has Nerve To Tell You How To Raise Your Own Goddamn Kids
  On Today Now!, parenting expert Rebecca McAllum somehow thinks she’s the authority on children everywhere.
  - 5 Feb 15, 5:15pm -
• [video] How To Channel Your Road Rage Into Cold, Calculating Road Revenge
  Defensive driving instructor Danny Preston says the best way to avoid conflict on the road is to execute long-term psychological torment on aggressive drivers.
  - 29 Jan 15, 5:00pm -
• [video] The Onion Looks Back At 'Home Alone'
  The Onion's movie critic Peter K. Rosenthal looks back at 'Home Alone' in this week's Film Standard.
  - 24 Dec 14, 3:45pm -
• [video] Owner's Box: Bearded Robert Griffin III Spotted Living In Houseboat On Chesapeake Bay
  OSN’s fantasy football guru, Perry Bigwell, says dump RG3 from your roster now that he’s moved away from football to a more simple life on a houseboat.
  - 4 Dec 14, 3:15pm -

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