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McSweeney's

• Our Faculty Success Initiative Redefines Everything You Thought You Knew About “Faculty” and “Success”
  Thank you, everyone, for completing the Faculty Success Survey. During these challenging times, we understand that many of you are feeling great stress managing your classes during a global pandemic and financial crisis. We have collected and analyze…
  - 1 day ago, 17 Sep 21, 6:00pm -
• Adam and Eve Decide Who Should Be in Charge of Childbirth
  God came to Adam and Eve and said that one of them would have to bear children. Adam puffed his chest out and answered in a tone of cocky confidence that will eventually come naturally to all average white men, “Obviously, I’ll do it. I mean, loo…
  - 2 days ago, 17 Sep 21, 12:00pm -
• The Founders Would Like to Remind You They’ve Been Dead for Nearly Two Hundred Years
  In the current era of hyper-partisanship, many have taken to using out-of-context quotes by us and asking what we would think of pretty much any political development. With that in mind, we’d like to remind the American people that we are dead. In…
  - 2 days ago, 16 Sep 21, 6:00pm -
• Updated COVID Guidelines: A Flow Chart Wrapped in a Riddle Shrouded in a Clusterfuck
  Click image to enlarge
  - 3 days ago, 16 Sep 21, 1:39pm -
• Short Conversations with Poets: Eleanor Wilner
  When I was in college I found my way to the study of history because I’m interested in what and how we remember, but I found my way to poetry—or poetry found me—because I didn’t want to leave out the personal. I didn’t want to leave out the…
  - 3 days ago, 16 Sep 21, 1:01pm -
• So You Just Announced Your Divorce Bingo
  - - -Preorder Kimberly Harrington’s new book BUT YOU SEEMED SO HAPPY. You can also buy a version of this BINGO card at Sapling Press.
  - 3 days ago, 15 Sep 21, 6:00pm -
• Hercule Poirot Joins Nextdoor
  
  - 4 days ago, 15 Sep 21, 12:00pm -
• Beaver of Fine Arts: Pop Quiz: A Beaver’s Study Guide to Art History
  
  - 4 days ago, 15 Sep 21, 11:59am -
• Excerpts from McSweeney’s Quarterly: Delandria
  Art by Fritz Lang - - -This piece, selected by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie for the 2021 O. Henry Prize, originally appeared in McSweeney’s 55. To get stories like this on your doorstep four times a year, subscribe to the Quarterly today. - - -The str…
  - 4 days ago, 14 Sep 21, 8:30pm -
• Excerpts from McSweeney’s Quarterly: Becoming the Baby Girl
  This piece, selected by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie for the 2021 O. Henry Prize, originally appeared in McSweeney’s 56. To get stories like this on your doorstep four times a year, subscribe to the Quarterly today. - - - Art by Anuj Shrestha - - -1. M…
  - 4 days ago, 14 Sep 21, 8:29pm -

The Onion

• [video] The Onion Reviews 'Avengers: Age Of Ultron'
  The Onion's movie critic Peter K. Rosenthal reviews 'Avengers: Age Of Ultron' in this week's Film Standard.
  - 30 Apr 15, 6:10pm -
• [video] The Onion Looks Back At 'The Sound Of Music'
  The Onion's movie critic Peter K. Rosenthal looks back at 'The Sound of Music' in this week's Film Standard.
  - 12 Mar 15, 2:02pm -
• [video] Should Companies Discontinue Unpaid Intern Fights?
  Many critics are questioning whether interns deserve to be paid when pummeling each other for their supervisors' amusement.
  - 10 Mar 15, 2:16pm -
• [video] 13-Year-Old Drinking Prodigy Accepted To Ohio State
  On Today Now!, the incredible Tyler Morgan shows off the binge drinking talent that got him into Ohio State. More from this episode.
  - 26 Feb 15, 7:20pm -
• [video] The Onion Film Standard's Oscars Special
  Peter Rosenthal looks at the Best Picture nominees in this year's special Oscar edition.
  - 19 Feb 15, 6:51pm -
• [video] Romantic Boyfriend Surprises Girlfriend With Valentine’s Day Love Labyrinth
  Brendan Jensen is taking the internet by storm with the elaborate love-themed maze he trapped his girlfriend inside for Valentine’s Day.
  - 14 Feb 15, 5:00am -
• [video] The Onion Reviews 'Fifty Shades Of Grey'
  The Onion's movie critic Peter K. Rosenthal reviews 'Fifty Shades Of Grey' in this week's Film Standard.
  - 12 Feb 15, 5:20pm -
• [video] New Premium Uber Service Lets Users Commandeer Any Car
  Uber Seize is a new high-end service that lets users hijack vehicles whenever and however they want.
  - 9 Feb 15, 1:36pm -
• [video] Parenting Expert Has Nerve To Tell You How To Raise Your Own Goddamn Kids
  On Today Now!, parenting expert Rebecca McAllum somehow thinks she’s the authority on children everywhere.
  - 5 Feb 15, 5:15pm -
• [video] How To Channel Your Road Rage Into Cold, Calculating Road Revenge
  Defensive driving instructor Danny Preston says the best way to avoid conflict on the road is to execute long-term psychological torment on aggressive drivers.
  - 29 Jan 15, 5:00pm -
• [video] The Onion Looks Back At 'Home Alone'
  The Onion's movie critic Peter K. Rosenthal looks back at 'Home Alone' in this week's Film Standard.
  - 24 Dec 14, 3:45pm -
• [video] Owner's Box: Bearded Robert Griffin III Spotted Living In Houseboat On Chesapeake Bay
  OSN’s fantasy football guru, Perry Bigwell, says dump RG3 from your roster now that he’s moved away from football to a more simple life on a houseboat.
  - 4 Dec 14, 3:15pm -

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