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McSweeney's

• Jack Kerouac’s On the Peloton
  I first met Dean not long after my wife and I split up. By met, I mean I hacked into my ex’s Peloton account to get a look at this Dean, the chisel-chested, side-burned Peloton instructor who enchanted her into purchasing a middle-class exercise co…
  - 14 hours ago, 21 Jun 21, 6:00pm -
• Sea Shanties of Menopausal Sailors
  What shall we do with this wretched mustache Growing on my lip like an errant eyelash? Is it not enough that I’m having a hot flash Early in the morning? Way-hay, my temperature rises Way-hay, my temperature rises Way-hay, my temperature rises Earl…
  - 17 hours ago, 21 Jun 21, 3:00pm -
• Amazon Prime Day Has Become Too Commercialized
  Amazon Prime Day used to mean something. When I was young, my family would joyfully celebrate the legacy of a mega-corporation that runs hundreds of Mom and Pop stores out of business every year. Now, though, it’s just become so commercialized. The…
  - 20 hours ago, 21 Jun 21, 12:00pm -
• The Encyclopedia Entry for the Midwestern Dad
  Scientific Name: Patria Adultus Middle Americanus Common Names: Dad, Pop, Old Man Native to: North Central United States, with heavy concentrations found in garages, basements, and the lumber sections of Menards. Subspecies identifiers: Proudly flaun…
  - 4 days ago, 18 Jun 21, 5:00pm -
• Happy Father’s Day: Pearls of Wisdom from My Gay Dads
  On getting bullied when I was five: “We do not fight with our hands; we fight with our words. Let me help you brainstorm. What does your bully hate about herself?” On wanting a Tweety Bird shirt when I was ten: “Oh, sweetheart. Yellow is not yo…
  - 4 days ago, 18 Jun 21, 3:00pm -
• Short Conversations With Poets: Forrest Gander
  One of the things most alive in contemporary poetry is a sense that even as the ecological ship goes down, we might record the catastrophe, might leave a record of it, and of our witnessing ourselves witnessing what we’ve done to ourselves. We may…
  - 4 days ago, 18 Jun 21, 1:00pm -
• Cordelia from King Lear’s Father’s Day Twitter Thread
  
  - 4 days ago, 18 Jun 21, 12:00pm -
• What Your Favorite ’90s Rock Band Says About the Type of Bored Suburban Dad You Are Today
  Barenaked Ladies: You like craft beer. Sleater-Kinney: You like craft beer and claim you were into it “before it became such a thing.” Soundgarden: You wear an apron that says SUN’S OUT, BUNS OUT when you barbecue. Red Hot Chili Peppers: You pr…
  - 5 days ago, 17 Jun 21, 6:00pm -
• Son, I Just Called to Tell You How Much I Love Field of Dreams
  Hi, son. Yeah, I know it’s late. What time is it there? No, everything is okay. Nothing’s wrong. Your mom went to bed a while ago, and I just wanted you to know how much I love Field of Dreams. Did I wake you? Sorry, son. I know we don’t talk t…
  - 5 days ago, 17 Jun 21, 3:00pm -
• Why I’m Selling My Catalog of Dad Jokes
  I still remember the first time I told my then six-year-old son Lev that a clam makes calls with its “shell phone.” The laugh of recognition when he first got the joke was a moment I won’t ever forget. When I told it a second time in front of h…
  - 5 days ago, 17 Jun 21, 12:00pm -

The Onion

• [video] The Onion Reviews 'Avengers: Age Of Ultron'
  The Onion's movie critic Peter K. Rosenthal reviews 'Avengers: Age Of Ultron' in this week's Film Standard.
  - 30 Apr 15, 6:10pm -
• [video] The Onion Looks Back At 'The Sound Of Music'
  The Onion's movie critic Peter K. Rosenthal looks back at 'The Sound of Music' in this week's Film Standard.
  - 12 Mar 15, 2:02pm -
• [video] Should Companies Discontinue Unpaid Intern Fights?
  Many critics are questioning whether interns deserve to be paid when pummeling each other for their supervisors' amusement.
  - 10 Mar 15, 2:16pm -
• [video] 13-Year-Old Drinking Prodigy Accepted To Ohio State
  On Today Now!, the incredible Tyler Morgan shows off the binge drinking talent that got him into Ohio State. More from this episode.
  - 26 Feb 15, 7:20pm -
• [video] The Onion Film Standard's Oscars Special
  Peter Rosenthal looks at the Best Picture nominees in this year's special Oscar edition.
  - 19 Feb 15, 6:51pm -
• [video] Romantic Boyfriend Surprises Girlfriend With Valentine’s Day Love Labyrinth
  Brendan Jensen is taking the internet by storm with the elaborate love-themed maze he trapped his girlfriend inside for Valentine’s Day.
  - 14 Feb 15, 5:00am -
• [video] The Onion Reviews 'Fifty Shades Of Grey'
  The Onion's movie critic Peter K. Rosenthal reviews 'Fifty Shades Of Grey' in this week's Film Standard.
  - 12 Feb 15, 5:20pm -
• [video] New Premium Uber Service Lets Users Commandeer Any Car
  Uber Seize is a new high-end service that lets users hijack vehicles whenever and however they want.
  - 9 Feb 15, 1:36pm -
• [video] Parenting Expert Has Nerve To Tell You How To Raise Your Own Goddamn Kids
  On Today Now!, parenting expert Rebecca McAllum somehow thinks she’s the authority on children everywhere.
  - 5 Feb 15, 5:15pm -
• [video] How To Channel Your Road Rage Into Cold, Calculating Road Revenge
  Defensive driving instructor Danny Preston says the best way to avoid conflict on the road is to execute long-term psychological torment on aggressive drivers.
  - 29 Jan 15, 5:00pm -
• [video] The Onion Looks Back At 'Home Alone'
  The Onion's movie critic Peter K. Rosenthal looks back at 'Home Alone' in this week's Film Standard.
  - 24 Dec 14, 3:45pm -
• [video] Owner's Box: Bearded Robert Griffin III Spotted Living In Houseboat On Chesapeake Bay
  OSN’s fantasy football guru, Perry Bigwell, says dump RG3 from your roster now that he’s moved away from football to a more simple life on a houseboat.
  - 4 Dec 14, 3:15pm -

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