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McSweeney's

• I Oppose the Democrats’ Plan to Lower Child Poverty. If Kids Want to Eat, They Should Work In Filthy Factories Like They Did in the Good Old Days
  
  - 15 hours ago, 24 Feb 21, 7:00pm -
• Are You Preparing Dinner for Children, or Starring in a Post-Apocalyptic Drama?
  1. Every single day, the sun hangs low on the horizon, and its slanting rays fill you with dread at the horrors to come. 2. You’re not sure how you wound up making all the decisions for this ragtag group. You didn’t ask for this kind of responsib…
  - 18 hours ago, 24 Feb 21, 4:00pm -
• Frequently Asked Questions by Middle-Aged White Pundits About When it’s Appropriate to Use a Particular Racial Slur
  Q: When is it appropriate for me, a middle-aged white guy who hosts a podcast, or writes op-eds, or posts as a prominent blogger with a healthy Twitter following, to use the n-word. A: Never. Q: What if I’m singing along to Kendrick Lamar alone in…
  - 21 hours ago, 24 Feb 21, 1:00pm -
• Beaver of Fine Arts: “Your Self Portrait Was Due Yesterday”: Student Reactions According to Their Zodiac Sign
  
  - 21 hours ago, 24 Feb 21, 12:59pm -
• In Remembrance of Lawrence Ferlinghetti
  All of us here at McSweeney’s mourn the passing of Lawrence Ferlinghetti. He was our north star and compatriot in this small but feisty world of San Francisco publishing. Few ever did more for the written word, and almost no one lived a better life…
  - 2 days ago, 23 Feb 21, 10:00pm -
• Will Hunting on Why He Shouldn’t Get an MFA
  Why shouldn’t I get an MFA? That’s a tough one, but I’ll take a shot. Say I’m getting an MFA, and my professor puts a canvas on my desk, something nobody else can paint. Maybe I take a shot at it, maybe I paint it. And I’m real happy with m…
  - 2 days ago, 23 Feb 21, 7:00pm -
• Can’t You See I’m Listening to a Goddamn Podcast?
  My mind is expanding, my horizons are broadening. I’m washing the dishes while having a cutting-edge audio experience learning about the Plague of Justinian. And you have just walked into the kitchen saying something I can’t hear — I’m trying…
  - 2 days ago, 23 Feb 21, 4:00pm -
• Pa and Laura Ingalls Discuss the Merits of High-Stakes Testing During a Public Health Crisis
  “States still must give standardized tests this year, Biden Administration announces.” — Education Week, 2/22/21 - - -“Laura! Mary! Carrie! Time for school!” Pa shouted, the merry twinkle in his eye alerting Laura that something either very…
  - 2 days ago, 23 Feb 21, 1:00pm -
• The UX on this Small Child Is Terrible
  Not only am I VP of Reproduction for this household, but I’ve also been the end-user of this Small Child for over three years now. I’m going to give it to you straight. The user experience is terrible. Overall, the Small Child is under-designed,…
  - 3 days ago, 22 Feb 21, 7:00pm -
• Problematic Classic Films Slightly Improved by Adding a Character Who Sews Clothing Out of Curtains
  Love, Actually LAURA LINNEY’S CHARACTER: Want to have sex, hot guy from my office? HOT GUY FROM HER OFFICE: Sure! LLC (answering her phone): Hey, babe. Uh-huh… hh-huh… okay. HGFHO: Oh, dear, this sounds important. Should I leave? LLC (hanging u…
  - 3 days ago, 22 Feb 21, 4:00pm -

The Onion

• [video] The Onion Reviews 'Avengers: Age Of Ultron'
  The Onion's movie critic Peter K. Rosenthal reviews 'Avengers: Age Of Ultron' in this week's Film Standard.
  - 30 Apr 15, 6:10pm -
• [video] The Onion Looks Back At 'The Sound Of Music'
  The Onion's movie critic Peter K. Rosenthal looks back at 'The Sound of Music' in this week's Film Standard.
  - 12 Mar 15, 2:02pm -
• [video] Should Companies Discontinue Unpaid Intern Fights?
  Many critics are questioning whether interns deserve to be paid when pummeling each other for their supervisors' amusement.
  - 10 Mar 15, 2:16pm -
• [video] 13-Year-Old Drinking Prodigy Accepted To Ohio State
  On Today Now!, the incredible Tyler Morgan shows off the binge drinking talent that got him into Ohio State. More from this episode.
  - 26 Feb 15, 7:20pm -
• [video] The Onion Film Standard's Oscars Special
  Peter Rosenthal looks at the Best Picture nominees in this year's special Oscar edition.
  - 19 Feb 15, 6:51pm -
• [video] Romantic Boyfriend Surprises Girlfriend With Valentine’s Day Love Labyrinth
  Brendan Jensen is taking the internet by storm with the elaborate love-themed maze he trapped his girlfriend inside for Valentine’s Day.
  - 14 Feb 15, 5:00am -
• [video] The Onion Reviews 'Fifty Shades Of Grey'
  The Onion's movie critic Peter K. Rosenthal reviews 'Fifty Shades Of Grey' in this week's Film Standard.
  - 12 Feb 15, 5:20pm -
• [video] New Premium Uber Service Lets Users Commandeer Any Car
  Uber Seize is a new high-end service that lets users hijack vehicles whenever and however they want.
  - 9 Feb 15, 1:36pm -
• [video] Parenting Expert Has Nerve To Tell You How To Raise Your Own Goddamn Kids
  On Today Now!, parenting expert Rebecca McAllum somehow thinks she’s the authority on children everywhere.
  - 5 Feb 15, 5:15pm -
• [video] How To Channel Your Road Rage Into Cold, Calculating Road Revenge
  Defensive driving instructor Danny Preston says the best way to avoid conflict on the road is to execute long-term psychological torment on aggressive drivers.
  - 29 Jan 15, 5:00pm -
• [video] The Onion Looks Back At 'Home Alone'
  The Onion's movie critic Peter K. Rosenthal looks back at 'Home Alone' in this week's Film Standard.
  - 24 Dec 14, 3:45pm -
• [video] Owner's Box: Bearded Robert Griffin III Spotted Living In Houseboat On Chesapeake Bay
  OSN’s fantasy football guru, Perry Bigwell, says dump RG3 from your roster now that he’s moved away from football to a more simple life on a houseboat.
  - 4 Dec 14, 3:15pm -

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