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McSweeney's

• Oscar Wilde’s The NFT of Dorian Gray
  Lord Henry flung himself onto the divan and said to the beautiful Dorian Gray, “Mr. Gray, the aim of life is self-development. We must remember what we owe ourselves. I stumbled upon this thought on OpenSea one fateful day when I found a picture of…
  - 2 days ago, 3 Dec 21, 6:30pm -
• How to Write Like an Academic
  If you’ve been away from academia for a few years, you may have forgotten how to write in a way that’s suitable for higher education. Not to worry, though. With just a few steps, you can transform your writing into a bloated, confusing, impenetra…
  - 3 days ago, 3 Dec 21, 1:00pm -
• The Democratic Party’s Guide to Keeping Your Rights
  We at the Democratic Party understand that you all have rights and want to keep them. We love that for you. But lately, we’ve heard some concerns. Apparently, you’re very worried that you won’t have rights much longer. Some of you even say you…
  - 3 days ago, 2 Dec 21, 6:00pm -
• Thanks, Mississippi. I Can’t Wait to Have it All
  “The case that could lead to the end of Roe v. Wade includes a novel argument: that the right to an abortion is no longer necessary because it has become much easier for women to combine work and family.” — New York Times, 12/1/21 - - -. I can…
  - 4 days ago, 2 Dec 21, 1:00pm -
• If All the Back Alleys Are Flooded, Where Will I Get an Abortion?
  
  - 4 days ago, 1 Dec 21, 7:05pm -
• How to Get a Writing Job in Hollywood According to My Parents
  1. First of all, you don’t need to move to Hollywood to get a writing job. There are plenty of things to write for here in our suburban New Jersey town of six thousand people. See if your cousin Kevin needs a writer for his landscaping business! 2.…
  - 5 days ago, 1 Dec 21, 1:00pm -
• We’re a Small, Family-Owned Business and We No Longer Value Your Feedback
  After years of sending you post-purchase emails asking you to rate and review your shopping experience at Hygge Home Goods, your local shop for cozy comforts, we are reaching out to let you know that while we value your business, we no longer value y…
  - 5 days ago, 30 Nov 21, 5:30pm -
• Some Worthy Causes for Giving Tuesday
  Hello Friends, On Giving Tuesday, we thought we could highlight some of the nonprofits we admire, in case you’re looking for worthy causes. THE VALENTINO ACHAK DENG FOUNDATION Valentino Deng, the protagonist of What Is the What, has been a world-re…
  - 6 days ago, 30 Nov 21, 3:22pm -
• Put Away That Whip — I’m Not That Kind of Dungeon Master
  Well, first off, I’m very excited you two chose me as your dungeon master. You seem like a lovely couple, and I’m stoked to jump right into this adventure. That said, I am guessing by the black vinyl corset and your husband’s full-on erection t…
  - 6 days ago, 30 Nov 21, 1:00pm -
• I’m Running for Congress Because It’s the Only Way I Will Be Able to Receive Paid Family Leave
  I stand before you today to announce that I have officially decided to run for Congress. As with most of our current elected officials, I do not care about the many issues affecting my district and plaguing my constituents. There is one reason and on…
  - 6 days ago, 29 Nov 21, 7:00pm -

The Onion

• [video] The Onion Reviews 'Avengers: Age Of Ultron'
  The Onion's movie critic Peter K. Rosenthal reviews 'Avengers: Age Of Ultron' in this week's Film Standard.
  - 30 Apr 15, 6:10pm -
• [video] The Onion Looks Back At 'The Sound Of Music'
  The Onion's movie critic Peter K. Rosenthal looks back at 'The Sound of Music' in this week's Film Standard.
  - 12 Mar 15, 2:02pm -
• [video] Should Companies Discontinue Unpaid Intern Fights?
  Many critics are questioning whether interns deserve to be paid when pummeling each other for their supervisors' amusement.
  - 10 Mar 15, 2:16pm -
• [video] 13-Year-Old Drinking Prodigy Accepted To Ohio State
  On Today Now!, the incredible Tyler Morgan shows off the binge drinking talent that got him into Ohio State. More from this episode.
  - 26 Feb 15, 7:20pm -
• [video] The Onion Film Standard's Oscars Special
  Peter Rosenthal looks at the Best Picture nominees in this year's special Oscar edition.
  - 19 Feb 15, 6:51pm -
• [video] Romantic Boyfriend Surprises Girlfriend With Valentine’s Day Love Labyrinth
  Brendan Jensen is taking the internet by storm with the elaborate love-themed maze he trapped his girlfriend inside for Valentine’s Day.
  - 14 Feb 15, 5:00am -
• [video] The Onion Reviews 'Fifty Shades Of Grey'
  The Onion's movie critic Peter K. Rosenthal reviews 'Fifty Shades Of Grey' in this week's Film Standard.
  - 12 Feb 15, 5:20pm -
• [video] New Premium Uber Service Lets Users Commandeer Any Car
  Uber Seize is a new high-end service that lets users hijack vehicles whenever and however they want.
  - 9 Feb 15, 1:36pm -
• [video] Parenting Expert Has Nerve To Tell You How To Raise Your Own Goddamn Kids
  On Today Now!, parenting expert Rebecca McAllum somehow thinks she’s the authority on children everywhere.
  - 5 Feb 15, 5:15pm -
• [video] How To Channel Your Road Rage Into Cold, Calculating Road Revenge
  Defensive driving instructor Danny Preston says the best way to avoid conflict on the road is to execute long-term psychological torment on aggressive drivers.
  - 29 Jan 15, 5:00pm -
• [video] The Onion Looks Back At 'Home Alone'
  The Onion's movie critic Peter K. Rosenthal looks back at 'Home Alone' in this week's Film Standard.
  - 24 Dec 14, 3:45pm -
• [video] Owner's Box: Bearded Robert Griffin III Spotted Living In Houseboat On Chesapeake Bay
  OSN’s fantasy football guru, Perry Bigwell, says dump RG3 from your roster now that he’s moved away from football to a more simple life on a houseboat.
  - 4 Dec 14, 3:15pm -

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