Funny Or Die
- 17 Apr 15, 3:23pm -

Jimmy Kimmel Live
- 17 Apr 15, 3:23pm -


  • Section 8F of Donald and Melania Trump’s Prenuptial Agreement: Handholding
    Following the division of assets, custody of any future children, and payout of alimony in the event of a marital dissolution, Prospective Husband (Donald J. Trump) and Prospective Wife (Melania Knaus) have agreed to the following formal handholding…
    - 4 hours ago, 24 May 17, 7:00pm -
  • Earth’s Performance Review
    Hi, Earth. Thanks for coming in today to talk about your performance as a planet. I’m sorry we haven’t done one of these reviews yet, but I figured I would give you a few million years to get comfortable with the solar system’s expectations bef…
    - 6 hours ago, 24 May 17, 5:01pm -
  • Don’t Become a Statistic
    Last year 32.2% of the people struck by a New York City subway car were killed. Don’t become a statistic. You can do anything you want. Just don’t die on the subway tracks because it would all but guarantee your becoming a point of data that is p…
    - 8 hours ago, 24 May 17, 3:01pm -
  • List: Reasons Your Friend is Apologizing for Her Husband as They Leave Your Party Early
    “Sorry, he’s just tired.” “Sorry, he’s just trying to provoke discussion.” “Sorry, he just thinks pet ownership is ecologically irresponsible.” “Sorry, he just has a lot of ancestors in the Confederate army.” “Sorry, he just put…
    - 11 hours ago, 24 May 17, 12:00pm -
  • Open Letter: An Open Letter to My Online Student
    Dear Online Student, Did you get my email regarding Week Two’s assignment? You never submitted Week Two’s assignment, and I wanted to be sure that the failure wasn’t due to some sort of technical glitch that you weren’t aware of. Did you get…
    - 11 hours ago, 24 May 17, 12:00pm -
  • Economics Problems for English Majors
    Presume the total cost for Oceanian workers is constant and equal to 2m chocolates/hour, irrespective of the level of output. When Oceania inevitably crumbles because of a proletariat uprising against the ubiquitous Big Brother, will elasticity of de…
    - 1 day ago, 23 May 17, 5:00pm -
  • List: 11 Titles Other Than “Freelance Writer” That Are Sure to Impress
    Remote Language and Grammar Generalist Creative Syntactical Engineer Punctuation Team Lead Chief Sentence Officer (CSO) Operational Writing Commander Word Count Investigator Contributing Scribble Supervisor Director of Alphabet Design and Structure T…
    - 1 day ago, 23 May 17, 3:01pm -
  • Casting Call for Universal’s Rebooted Sexy Lady Monster Universe
    Project Name: Universal’s Rebooted Monster Universe Project Type: Feature Film Series Rate/Compensation: SAG Standards (43% of male counterparts) A Little About The Project: Everyone’s favorite monsters are getting the reboot treatment. Beginning…
    - 1 day ago, 23 May 17, 12:01pm -
  • Key Ring Chronicles: Benny Binion’s Horseshoe Club Fob
    - - -From the late 1940s through the 1990s, my parents ran an advertising and sales promotion business that manufactured many items, including metal and plastic key ring tags. The idea was that you could have your business’s name and contact infor…
    - 1 day ago, 23 May 17, 12:00pm -
  • Why Does the Lame-Stream Media Only Focus On the Negative Regarding John Wilkes Booth?
    The media in this country is so negative. Case in point: John Wilkes Booth and the Lame-Stream Media (LSM) focus on one night in his life. Of course the usual suspects come out harrumphing and complaining, suggesting that sedition and assassination i…
    - 2 days ago, 22 May 17, 6:25pm -

The Onion


  • Toilet Training Your Puppy - Why Crating is Better
    There are many methods you can use for toilet training your puppy. However, crating remains one of the most effective. In fact, crating is so powerful, it is universally recommended by most dog training specialists. To humans this might s…
    - 69 days ago, 17 Mar 17, 10:58am -
  • Stopping Puppy Chewing - Different Techniques to Control the Chewing
    When one first brings home a new puppy they can almost always expect some degree of chewing. For one thing puppies are generally either going through or have just completed the teething stage of their life and just like a human baby chewi…
    - 69 days ago, 17 Mar 17, 10:57am -
  • Stop Puppy from Digging - Giving Puppies a Better Outlet than Digging
    For many puppy owners digging can quickly become a problem. For most dogs the instinct to dig is bred right into their make-up. It can be difficult to stop a puppy from digging, but it can be done.The first thing you need to do is try to fi…
    - 71 days ago, 15 Mar 17, 1:00am -
  • Stop puppy From jumping - Teaching Puppies to Stay “Off”
    Most puppies are just full of energy. They have a tendency to just bounce about the house in a cute manner. However when a puppy starts jumping up on you and others, it may start out as cute, but may turn into a nuisance later on.One re…
    - 72 days ago, 13 Mar 17, 7:03pm -
  • The Causes of Scratching in Dogs
    Dogs scratch for any number of reasons. They generally do it to relieve a real itch – the result of an allergy, a flea bite, or an irritation that they might get from time spent out of the house in water, mud, or other irritants.When…
    - 80 days ago, 6 Mar 17, 12:00am -