Funny Or Die
- 17 Apr 15, 3:23pm -

Jimmy Kimmel Live
- 17 Apr 15, 3:23pm -


  • Hemingway’s “Hills Like White Elephants” from the “The Girl’s” Point of View
    He kept staring at the hills across the valley, just looking off into the distance as though he were the one getting the abortion, not me. Oh, whoops, did I spoil it by saying “abortion” instead of hinting at it for twenty fucking minutes but nev…
    - 2 days ago, 21 Jul 17, 3:01pm -
  • List: Anagrams of “Ernest Hemingway” That Could Sort of Almost Be Titles of His Novels
    A Sweeter Hymning When Gin May Steer My Wheaten Singer Hey, New Emigrants Seething Wary Men Say When, Tim Green My Earthen Sewing Where Nesting May The Enemy War Sign Three Mangy Swine My Ewe Near Things We Earthy Men Sing Yearning Whets Me Wager in…
    - 2 days ago, 21 Jul 17, 3:00pm -
  • Ernest Goes to Key West
    Dear Vern, I have seen war. Made love in the wilderness, rinsed wounds with absinthe, watched friends torn to pieces before dawn. I have seen the best and worst of man, known women and thrown them away. But I had never seen God before I came to Key W…
    - 2 days ago, 21 Jul 17, 12:01pm -
  • List: Ernest Hemingway or Captions from Governor Scott Walker’s Instagram?
    1. “Water is way over the dam and streets around it are flooded. I spent part of the day touring it.” 2. “Jim Berg and I out hunting. We were walking back to connect with our friend Tom Balistreri.” 3. “We walked on up the street. The fog m…
    - 2 days ago, 21 Jul 17, 12:00pm -
  • The Opening Paragraph of The Old Man and the Sea Updated for Modern Readers
    He was an old man who fished alone in a skiff in the Gulf Stream and he had gone eighty-four days now without taking a fish. [LINK: FIVE SEAFOOD RECIPES THAT ARE GREAT FOR YOUR HEART … AND YOUR MORTGAGE.] In the first forty days a boy had been with…
    - 2 days ago, 21 Jul 17, 12:00pm -
  • List: How to Do a Headstand While Wearing Concealed Carry Yoga Pants
    “Combining the best of both worlds – yoga pants and concealed carry … Not sure if your handgun will fit? Don’t worry! All concealed carry handguns fit!” — UnderTech UnderCover on Pinterest. - – - Armed Sirsasana (Headstand) Sirsasana is…
    - 3 days ago, 20 Jul 17, 5:01pm -
  • Trump Tweet Mad Libs
    Based on real tweets from the 45th President of the United States of America. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -Download to fill out at home
    - 3 days ago, 20 Jul 17, 3:00pm -
  • Lochte v. Salmon
    “The world’s most decorated athlete takes on the ocean’s most efficient predator: Phelps V Shark – the race is on!” — Discovery - - - Everyone knew Phelps v. Shark was a marketing ploy to hoodwink apathetic viewers into a ratings bonanza…
    - 3 days ago, 20 Jul 17, 12:00pm -
  • List: Quote from Survival Reality Show Naked and Afraid or Regarding President Trump’s Voter Integrity Commission?
    1. “It’s fatally flawed from the design.” 2. “I would like to know what these ‘tasks’ are, that you think we should all be doing?” 3. “We have no preconceived notions or preordained results.” 4. “No, I can NOT do it on my own. And…
    - 4 days ago, 19 Jul 17, 7:30pm -
  • My Daily Routine as a Job-Stealing Immigrant
    7:35 am: The alarm rings on my iPhone, which I have acquired with money earned from jobs I have stolen. I hit snooze. Job stealing can wait five more minutes. 7:47 am: I wake up as the alarm goes off again. This time I get up and take a shower. 7:58…
    - 4 days ago, 19 Jul 17, 5:00pm -

The Onion


  • Toilet Training Your Puppy - Why Crating is Better
    There are many methods you can use for toilet training your puppy. However, crating remains one of the most effective. In fact, crating is so powerful, it is universally recommended by most dog training specialists. To humans this might s…
    - 17 Mar 17, 10:58am -
  • Stopping Puppy Chewing - Different Techniques to Control the Chewing
    When one first brings home a new puppy they can almost always expect some degree of chewing. For one thing puppies are generally either going through or have just completed the teething stage of their life and just like a human baby chewi…
    - 17 Mar 17, 10:57am -
  • Stop Puppy from Digging - Giving Puppies a Better Outlet than Digging
    For many puppy owners digging can quickly become a problem. For most dogs the instinct to dig is bred right into their make-up. It can be difficult to stop a puppy from digging, but it can be done.The first thing you need to do is try to fi…
    - 15 Mar 17, 1:00am -
  • Stop puppy From jumping - Teaching Puppies to Stay “Off”
    Most puppies are just full of energy. They have a tendency to just bounce about the house in a cute manner. However when a puppy starts jumping up on you and others, it may start out as cute, but may turn into a nuisance later on.One re…
    - 13 Mar 17, 7:03pm -
  • The Causes of Scratching in Dogs
    Dogs scratch for any number of reasons. They generally do it to relieve a real itch – the result of an allergy, a flea bite, or an irritation that they might get from time spent out of the house in water, mud, or other irritants.When…
    - 6 Mar 17, 12:00am -